I'd wear matching sweaters with you
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
