My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
