Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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