My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
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It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
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I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
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