Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
