Betty ford says i'm here all night
I wish i was in the wii world.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
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he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
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i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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