; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
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Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
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Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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