ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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