Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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