Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
