She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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