It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
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I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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