Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
