Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
