I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Drake has all the answers
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
