even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
