whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
