TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
