I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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