I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
