he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
