omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
