His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
