Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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