I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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