no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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