The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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