Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
