im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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