If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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