i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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