porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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