hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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