I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
