I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
