the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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