To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
