Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
