I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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