Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
