Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
