i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
