There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Randomize
