a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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