i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
