Sponge bath it is.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
