yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
