So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
