I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
