Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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