and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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