not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
