i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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