my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
that's an acceptable place to lick
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Randomize
