I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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