very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
