i just had sex bonerless
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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