2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
