i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
