i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
