NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
