I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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