i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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