Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
