ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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