No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
