she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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