Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
