Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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