puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
