Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
