1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
