We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I wish I only lived at night.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
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Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
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I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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