He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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